Lonely Loser No More

I'm getting a cell phone but not because I need one. I actually can't think of any real reason to get one.

My mother, of course, feels I need one for when my car breaks down on the side of that scary road in her mind. It used to be that when your car broke down someone would stop and lend a hand. Now everyone has a cell phone, and assumes everyone else has one, so no one stops to help. The reason I need a cell phone when my car breaks down isn't because I don't have a cell phone, it's because you have one. Cripes you make me mad.

Sorry, back to the reason I'm getting one. I need a cell phone so that I never have to be the lonely loser again. When I get stuck sitting by myself on a patio, hop on the cell phone.

"Look honey, that guy's not a lonely loser, he's on the phone."

When I'm crossing a large intersection and the light changes, stranding me on that median thingy in the middle with everyone sitting in their cars staring at me, out comes the cell phone.

"Oh, that guy's ok, he's not a creep, he's got friends, he's on the phone with them now."

I'll never be alone again.