...Well since this site is dedicated to Gerry, shouldn't there be some spot about his daughter?? Or is everyone doing what everyone does best, heads in sand, make no eye contact, if you can't see it behind you, it doesn't exist. It's sad how Guelph has become. I just got back and met his little girl, and it was weird, it was like looking into his eyes, and I got a huge toothless smile, and was touched by the innocence. It really made me stop and look around at the people I thought I knew, and I wondered how is it even possible that this new little life, that born of Gerry's spirit, can get treated with such cold, quiet, disrespect.

Apologies if I've misled but this site is not dedicated to Gerry. There's a simple reference to him as the site's name came from a line in one of his emails, that's it. This site has no more to do with turple than anyone else I cross paths with, real or imagined.

While I think your point is well made, there's no agenda here to save turple, you, guelph, or the world. I assumed that quite apparent by the low quality of the content.

Where I come from, a child being born is a miracle. I understand your site is made in fun, and it's a cool site, there's some really nice shots on there, it's a good place for friends to go and see their captured moments. Your response was carefully worded...which I suppose was my point, exactly.( In that at the beginning of your page, is a specific reference to "turple", is why I wondered why was no reference about his kid. )This baby seems to be the thing that no one talks about, in my culture, that is unheard of. You know, children always deserve the brightest spotlight. You would understand that though b, wouldn't you. Well, no slight against your site. hopefully when I am back in a year, that innocence and ready smile will still be on her face. That's all.

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We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

axfusgbtucmvftipft, http://www.znuokubezs.com epjsnotvue

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Why don't you write books people can read?

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Why don't you write books people can read?

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

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No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

The truth is more important than the facts.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Have you read any good books lately? tiny pretyeen models 8(

I'd like to take the job nude import model 38309

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Liberty and de